Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Grief
My dad died just a little over a month ago, and this morning is a rough one. I am not sure why this morning rather than any other morning, I just know that my heart is heavy today. I have been picturing him with the nasal canula for his oxygen, using his walker, trying to help myself overcome the waves of pain by remembering how he was suffering.
He was only 68 years old.
My cousin, Ann, prepared the most beautiful DVD for Dad's service and as I watched it, I was struck with how adorable he was as a child. He had so much promise. A man called on the day of the celebration of life, who had seen Dad's picture in the paper and said what a hero he had been to those in their town. This man had been 7 years younger, but remembered Dad for his kindness, for his athletic ability (held the record for the 100yd run and was the top running back in football).
He didn't fulfill his promise in so many ways. He was stricken with alcoholism and a fear of success that seemed to hold him back. He had an artist's heart and from time to time he would express that beautifully. He did everything he did with excellence. He painted beautifully on canvas, he created from wood, he repaired shoes, he was a salesman (top in the country in his company), he sold real estate, he did a lot of things. So often, when he would become successful at something, he would stop and move on to something else, never taking advantage of his success to move to the next level.
The loss of the promise is so much of what I am grieving. I am also grieving a dad that taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do, that respected my intellect, that pushed me to be my best.
Only time heals this kind of loss.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
He was only 68 years old.
My cousin, Ann, prepared the most beautiful DVD for Dad's service and as I watched it, I was struck with how adorable he was as a child. He had so much promise. A man called on the day of the celebration of life, who had seen Dad's picture in the paper and said what a hero he had been to those in their town. This man had been 7 years younger, but remembered Dad for his kindness, for his athletic ability (held the record for the 100yd run and was the top running back in football).
He didn't fulfill his promise in so many ways. He was stricken with alcoholism and a fear of success that seemed to hold him back. He had an artist's heart and from time to time he would express that beautifully. He did everything he did with excellence. He painted beautifully on canvas, he created from wood, he repaired shoes, he was a salesman (top in the country in his company), he sold real estate, he did a lot of things. So often, when he would become successful at something, he would stop and move on to something else, never taking advantage of his success to move to the next level.
The loss of the promise is so much of what I am grieving. I am also grieving a dad that taught me that I could do anything I wanted to do, that respected my intellect, that pushed me to be my best.
Only time heals this kind of loss.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
Never Give Up
Yesterday I was in a skilled nursing facility and had an encounter with a little angel. At least she was a representative of God to me. One thing that is true of nursing homes is that when you are in one, many residents will say something along the lines of "Will you help me?" or "Help me!" Sometimes they are words that are just repeated and not necessarily meant, other times a real need is present, like bathroom help or help getting to the dining room or something.
In my case yesterday, I bent down to ask the lady in the wheelchair what kind of help she needed. She looked at me with cloudy blue eyes and said, "Will you pray for me??"
I was surprised, because of all the needs I have heard expressed there, that isn't one I've heard. I told her I could certainly do that and asked her how she would like for me to pray. She said, "I just don't know how God can use me here in this place. I want to be obedient." Then she paused and said, "You are so pretty. I just want to pray for you that God will strengthen and encourage you." My eyes filled with tears at the tenderness and sincerity in her voice.
In fact, God used her to encourage me, to lighten and brighten my day and to convict me that no matter where we are, or in what condition we find ourselves, that what really matters is what we do with what we've got. It's about not giving up, about staying in the race until the very end...
Yes, you precious angel, God is still using you. And I will pray for you.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
In my case yesterday, I bent down to ask the lady in the wheelchair what kind of help she needed. She looked at me with cloudy blue eyes and said, "Will you pray for me??"
I was surprised, because of all the needs I have heard expressed there, that isn't one I've heard. I told her I could certainly do that and asked her how she would like for me to pray. She said, "I just don't know how God can use me here in this place. I want to be obedient." Then she paused and said, "You are so pretty. I just want to pray for you that God will strengthen and encourage you." My eyes filled with tears at the tenderness and sincerity in her voice.
In fact, God used her to encourage me, to lighten and brighten my day and to convict me that no matter where we are, or in what condition we find ourselves, that what really matters is what we do with what we've got. It's about not giving up, about staying in the race until the very end...
Yes, you precious angel, God is still using you. And I will pray for you.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
Saturday, July 23, 2005
Homecoming
One fun thing this week was that while at a nursing facility, I ran into a person at the copier with whom I used to be very good friends in junior high! I looked up and saw this familiar face with a name tag that would fit my junior high friend. She said that I looked familiar to her as well. When I asked for her maiden name, she at first gave me her first married name, to which of course, I did not relate. I continued to chat as I finished my copying. Then she said her maiden name was "Aton" and I said "You look like my childhood friend because you ARE my childhood friend!"
We were able to arrange lunch with each other this week and it was absolutely delightful to be reacquainted with her. It coincidentally is the same week as my (gulp) 30 year high school reunion, which will end up this evening with a dinner/dance at the Sheraton of Colorado Springs.
Last night the Class of '75 had a get-together at the Old Giuseppe's Depot and today we had a tour of Coronado and also dedicated a tree planted in memory of the 17 classmates that have already died from our class. They suffered from a variety of things, suicide, accidents, cancer, AIDS, alcohol abuse; all the things that take lives in the general population. I knew most of them; and about five of them very well. What tragedies. The ones that I knew were all bright and gifted in so many different ways and they died so young.
How I want to live my life in such a way that every moment counts. This is a good reminder that one never knows when one will have another opportunity to see or speak to an old friend.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
We were able to arrange lunch with each other this week and it was absolutely delightful to be reacquainted with her. It coincidentally is the same week as my (gulp) 30 year high school reunion, which will end up this evening with a dinner/dance at the Sheraton of Colorado Springs.
Last night the Class of '75 had a get-together at the Old Giuseppe's Depot and today we had a tour of Coronado and also dedicated a tree planted in memory of the 17 classmates that have already died from our class. They suffered from a variety of things, suicide, accidents, cancer, AIDS, alcohol abuse; all the things that take lives in the general population. I knew most of them; and about five of them very well. What tragedies. The ones that I knew were all bright and gifted in so many different ways and they died so young.
How I want to live my life in such a way that every moment counts. This is a good reminder that one never knows when one will have another opportunity to see or speak to an old friend.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
Saturday, July 09, 2005
Perseverance
Hebrews 12 (regarding a life of faith)
"Do you see what this means - all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running - and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in."
This morning on my way to an appointment I was delayed by a cycling race. Police officers stopped traffic moving from Northgate onto Highway 83 for what seemed like forever. I knew there was a race going on because I had passed many cyclists moving in the opposite direction, and marveled at their attack of the pretty decent uphill grade. As for me, I am uncomfortable even sitting in the saddle of a bike and so admire those who ride.
Coming back home about four and a half hours later I passed several cyclists. The first one I saw was off his bicycle and was walking alongside it. I thought, "Good for you for not giving up!" As I went on up the hill, I saw a cyclist and his bike in a pile, and not knowing if he'd fallen or not, I stopped to make sure he was ok. He said he was, and I wondered if he was just taking a break or waiting for someone to come pick him up.
As I went further up the hill, I saw groups of people either sprawled on the side of the road or walking their bikes. It reminded me of a picture of life and how people live it. Some people get tired or hurt and still keep moving, finding another way to get to their destination, to complete the race. Others just stay where the fatigue and hurt set in and wait for others to get them or for the hurt to go away.
I want to be the kind of person who, when hurt or tired, finds community and keeps moving in the race toward the destination of being more like Jesus. Perseverance is a trait I really admire.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
"Do you see what this means - all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running - and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in."
This morning on my way to an appointment I was delayed by a cycling race. Police officers stopped traffic moving from Northgate onto Highway 83 for what seemed like forever. I knew there was a race going on because I had passed many cyclists moving in the opposite direction, and marveled at their attack of the pretty decent uphill grade. As for me, I am uncomfortable even sitting in the saddle of a bike and so admire those who ride.
Coming back home about four and a half hours later I passed several cyclists. The first one I saw was off his bicycle and was walking alongside it. I thought, "Good for you for not giving up!" As I went on up the hill, I saw a cyclist and his bike in a pile, and not knowing if he'd fallen or not, I stopped to make sure he was ok. He said he was, and I wondered if he was just taking a break or waiting for someone to come pick him up.
As I went further up the hill, I saw groups of people either sprawled on the side of the road or walking their bikes. It reminded me of a picture of life and how people live it. Some people get tired or hurt and still keep moving, finding another way to get to their destination, to complete the race. Others just stay where the fatigue and hurt set in and wait for others to get them or for the hurt to go away.
I want to be the kind of person who, when hurt or tired, finds community and keeps moving in the race toward the destination of being more like Jesus. Perseverance is a trait I really admire.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
Thursday, July 07, 2005
Love Story
Yesterday I heard the sweetest love story from a gentleman who has been married to his "bride" for over 50 years. Following pen pal letter writing during World War II when he was on a destroyer, he went to another state to meet this young woman who had captivated his interest. Interestingly enough, when he arrived at her parents home to meet her, he knew instantly that the first young woman who came down the stairs was not the girl with whom he'd been corresponding (without ever having seen a picture). Her sister had come down the stairs first.
Later that afternoon, they went to a band shell to hear a band play. While sitting in the grass, he felt the urge to kiss her. He put it this way, "I felt the urge to kiss her, so I did. She responded and I was lost. I am still lost."
He may not have said it in as many words, but he is still as in love with her today as he was all those years ago. What a love to last through all the years, the good times and the bad, the ups and the downs.
I pray for more marriages that endure the test of time.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
Later that afternoon, they went to a band shell to hear a band play. While sitting in the grass, he felt the urge to kiss her. He put it this way, "I felt the urge to kiss her, so I did. She responded and I was lost. I am still lost."
He may not have said it in as many words, but he is still as in love with her today as he was all those years ago. What a love to last through all the years, the good times and the bad, the ups and the downs.
I pray for more marriages that endure the test of time.
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
Tuesday, July 05, 2005
Catching Raindrops
Love is an amazing thing. It is a feeling, it is action, it is a need. As my friend Jeanne Bremer says, "A lot of people come to adulthood with their cup half-full."
People will do almost anything for love. Over the course of history, we have seen war for love's sake, we have seen sacrifice, and we have even seen someone go as far as to sacrifice His life for the sake of love.
Think of love as being as crucial to us as air or water. If you can't get love out of a spigot, you might be seen running around with a plate catching raindrops.
Which position are you in today?? Getting your love hydration from a spigot or are you catching raindrops? Just some food-for-thought...
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
People will do almost anything for love. Over the course of history, we have seen war for love's sake, we have seen sacrifice, and we have even seen someone go as far as to sacrifice His life for the sake of love.
Think of love as being as crucial to us as air or water. If you can't get love out of a spigot, you might be seen running around with a plate catching raindrops.
Which position are you in today?? Getting your love hydration from a spigot or are you catching raindrops? Just some food-for-thought...
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
Monday, July 04, 2005
Welcome Home
On Saturday, I was privileged to serve on the volunteer team for Dignity Memorial sponsoring the "Vietnam Wall Experience." The wall is a 3/4 scale replica of the Vietnam Memorial in Washington D. C.
My job for the morning was to help soldiers and their families look up the names of buddies and family members in order to be able to find the name on the wall and to make a graphite rubbing of the name.
I worked alongside a 3 tour Navy Lt. Commander (Ret.) who seemed to recognize every soldier that served in Vietnam, greeting them with the words, "Welcome Home, Brother." It was a genuinely moving experience. I did not realize the extent of the pain and wounding that is still being suffered by so many of our Vietnam veterans. Some of them could barely speak as they tried to say the name of their buddies that had given the ultimate sacrifice. Others openly wept as they shared the story of how their friend had taken a bullet for them, that they were alive because of their friends sacrifice.
Some soldiers just wanted to know that their friends were NOT on the wall, that they had survived the war. Others brought their company lists and wanted to know how many had lived and how many had died of the ones with whom they served.
Many family members of slain soldiers came to honor their loved ones.
The main thing that I learned is that it is not over for the men who served and the families who love them. There is still so much healing to do. It reminds me that our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan will need lots of support when they come home and their families need the support even now.
I wonder what kind of daily ministry our churches are doing for these families (Vietnam, Gulf War, and the Global War on Terrorism). The sacrifice a military family makes is great. What can I do today to make a difference in the life of one family??
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
My job for the morning was to help soldiers and their families look up the names of buddies and family members in order to be able to find the name on the wall and to make a graphite rubbing of the name.
I worked alongside a 3 tour Navy Lt. Commander (Ret.) who seemed to recognize every soldier that served in Vietnam, greeting them with the words, "Welcome Home, Brother." It was a genuinely moving experience. I did not realize the extent of the pain and wounding that is still being suffered by so many of our Vietnam veterans. Some of them could barely speak as they tried to say the name of their buddies that had given the ultimate sacrifice. Others openly wept as they shared the story of how their friend had taken a bullet for them, that they were alive because of their friends sacrifice.
Some soldiers just wanted to know that their friends were NOT on the wall, that they had survived the war. Others brought their company lists and wanted to know how many had lived and how many had died of the ones with whom they served.
Many family members of slain soldiers came to honor their loved ones.
The main thing that I learned is that it is not over for the men who served and the families who love them. There is still so much healing to do. It reminds me that our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan will need lots of support when they come home and their families need the support even now.
I wonder what kind of daily ministry our churches are doing for these families (Vietnam, Gulf War, and the Global War on Terrorism). The sacrifice a military family makes is great. What can I do today to make a difference in the life of one family??
Walk in Compassion,
Marti
